1) A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.” “Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”
2) Two translators on a ship are talking.
“Can you swim?” asks one.
“No” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages.”
3) Language Barrier
Two highway workers were busy working at a construction site when a big car
with diplomatic license plates pulled up.
“Parlez-vous français?” the driver asks them. The two
workers just stared.
“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?” The two continued to stare at him.
“Fala português?” Neither worker said anything.
“Parlate Italiano?” Still no response.
Finally, the man drives off in disgust.
One worker turned to the other and said, “Gee, maybe we should learn a
foreign language…”
“What for? That guy knew four of them and what good did it do him?”
4) The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were “protecting.” Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can’t communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is.” The interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?” The deaf man replies, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The interpreter tells the hood, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. “Now ask him where the money is!” The interpreter signs, “Where is the money?” The deaf man replies, “The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park.” The interpreter says to the hood, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and doesn’t think you have the balls to pull the trigger.
5) A Dutch tourist driving through northern Spain loses his way and approaches two policemen for directions:
“Do you speak English?”
¿Qué?
“Parlez-vous français?”
¿Qué?
“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”
¿Qué?
Finally, the tourist gives up and drives away. One of the policemen turns to the other and says: “Those Dutch are really something, look at all the languages they speak. It makes me feel like learning a foreign language.”
“What for?” his partner answers. “That guy speaks all those languages and what good does it do him?
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