1)
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
2)
Q. What’s the difference between publishers and terrorists?
A. You can negotiate with terrorists.
3) A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes. “Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.” A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes. “Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!” “Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.” 4) A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.” 5) Three guys are sitting at a bar. #1: “…Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes.” #2: “What do you do for a living?” #1: “I’m a stockbroker. How much do you make? #2: “I should clear $60,000 this year.” #1: “What do you do?” #2: “I’m an architect.” The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him. #2: “Hey, how much do you make per year?” #3: “I guess about $13,000.” #1: “Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?” 6) How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. 7) How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why does it *have* to be changed?
A. You can negotiate with terrorists.
3) A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes. “Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.” A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes. “Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!” “Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.” 4) A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.” 5) Three guys are sitting at a bar. #1: “…Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes.” #2: “What do you do for a living?” #1: “I’m a stockbroker. How much do you make? #2: “I should clear $60,000 this year.” #1: “What do you do?” #2: “I’m an architect.” The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him. #2: “Hey, how much do you make per year?” #3: “I guess about $13,000.” #1: “Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?” 6) How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. 7) How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Why does it *have* to be changed?
8) How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.
By Amit B
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