It’s been while from now life isn’t of how it was, and that’s completely okay. We all have messed something and we all left something, few are glad about it and few love to keep things on a let go situation. There are days you find yourself incomplete and then you make a move from the present place. And then comes one day the wind blows off from your side waving your hair like tide, the slow whispering tide of one of the days of life. On those bars of windows you with your so called elaborated thoughts, everything seems sooner or later far and to be gone somehow.
And I remember still of how I felt those few 7 days as my golden days of life. One morning it was in wooden pieces and decorates. Felt like I was made for it all. A wonder I never thought on, a glass of piece I never had for myself. I watched it all walk like fly like feather, for moment it was all made up as a tale to be said and told for years of happiness. And I can still see those shadows walking from me calmly. They were all proud, hurt, conquered people and I, I was the lady standing there watching it all. And something went of my mind, completely like being incompletely. “I asked myself, what is it? And why is it?” I don’t want to run from what just flew off. Tell me something more I haven’t seen and met before.
Something I could hear was my kind of voice, it was like this is my place. I have being meeting few people in my life as travelers, as followers and the other half, completely different from all those. They all remind me of a place like this, ‘unique’ is the word I’ll call it. They make me forget the ashes after fire. There’s a lot within them but the hat they show is extremely beyond beauty. Unlike turning pages they weren’t that simple, their presence had something the soul would answer on. They make you say nothing but leave you speechless. You know what? Every time I looked at them their eyes make me ride with the heavens fastest horse. They are never silent but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t silent.
So I arrived one morning my native Goa after long time travelling. I was completely blank of what reaction should I be with, as I was completely new to all the people, but then there was one here who came ahead walking. They introduced me as one of my sibling who is just few months younger to me but for me that didn’t matter. What mattered was his presence made me feel home. That was a stupid situation for me. How come a stranger I never met before means something? But then that was reality I can’t get out of it. He guided me of what is where and which road would lead me to which place. I always responded him with a smile but that was from within. The moment I looked at him there was always something his eyes talked, no matter if he didn’t utter any, but he was bit comfortable with me because even I made him feel home and not like somebody I just met.
I remember I was alone that evening sitting on his terrace and he came up to join me as he was bit tired after working for lot people that arrived at his house the whole day. He came upstairs, and sat to the opposite height of mine. We both talked nothing, but then it was quite awkward for me to be silent. “So I asked him, how is everything going in life?.” He silently answered, life! Well she is all beautiful. I laughed on it saying, so you know your life is a girl? Yes! He said. And then he went on talking, not like paragraphs but in lesser words he talked more. And it all felt like as if it was years after somebody has asked him to speak about himself. It was as if he literally waited for this one thing to be asked, of how is he doing? . The words that he said me were, “ Shana, I do what I want, I don’t be home much. I have a girl in my life, we pretty understand each other she stays right next to the other side of this space she is from other village. We contact through cell phones , I chat with her whenever I’m able to reply. Aparna is her beautiful name, all with traditions and cultured girl, a bit with modern outfits. She is pretty beautiful and more over she is happy being with me. There was a heavy voice in his last words. “ Are you happy with her? , I asked” . “Yes very much, she is the one who be’s with me and understands me, he said” . On this I asked him of the reason he remaining quite in front of all. I mean he should he open kind of a person who loves to talk to people that’s how all people form Goa react to but then he was different I found. “I said, have you ever looked at yourself, you are so that handsome, I mean hardly you find fair complex in Goa. It’s something I regret for you being my cousin, if I get an opportunity to go on a date with you that would be like something being lucky.” He started laughing on my words, “It would be an honor, He said” . “Can I say you something? , he asked” . Yes, I replied. “ In fact this is something I want to say or you call that whatever, you see these trees around us they look all green, don’t they? . And so are they with their own colors right now, but once it shall turn night you can’t see their or neither your own colors, he said.” “What about the moon?, I asked.” “ He is just there as he is just there, there in one place for being there, he said.” I looked at him for a minute, maybe it was somebody for the first time that left me stunned and drew my mind into something else. With those blank expressions I asked him, what about us? Isn’t he there for us to give us light?. That moment I saw a face with all harsh wounds looking at me, everything was silent for a while. “He then smiled and said, his light on you is when you are underneath of him and once you are gone from there you see there is no difference, completely no difference between trees and us. There are woods down, I saw them in my childhood too but those were days woods were part of playing stuffs and now even you know they are just not woods.” He waited for seconds, I was more eager to hear of what shall he say next, his talks made me have goose bumps on me. He continued then, “I don’t exactly know of why I’m saying this to you but thank you, thank you so much, he said.” I could not utter anything on it but just smiled, not for his thoughts towards life but I laughed on myself within for all the odds I think every day on. He made me think of who I was and who I have been all these years. It was a call of voice from his mother later, we were call downstairs for dinner. We both were left with smile on are face with the silent breeze. We stood up to come down, he was with me till we both got down from the staircase and suddenly he was nowhere around. For a moment he reminded me of everything that he talked about moon upstairs, I was left speechless again. “His mother asked me Konkani, how is my house? How did you feel being here?” . “It’s beautiful, I said” and I smiled back. “ My son doesn’t talk to anybody more often but it’s you he conversed with today, she said” , it was in front of everybody she stated these words, somebody’s got a new friend my cousin Sam whispered. “Can you do a favor for me?, His mother asked.” She had that tone of love from a mother towards something. “Yes, what can I help you in?, I replied.” “Can you just go out and find him where he is and call him for dinner, I hope he won’t deny you for it but don’t you mention that it’s me who called him, she said.” She put me into wonder but I felt nothing from my side. I went out and called him, he did come with me back we all sat together for dinner. I just had a look on his mother’s face for a wave, my eyes caught her looking at him, she had a grace of happiness in her eyes. I don’t know of what they were for but seemed they were eager to see him happy this way.
Even after months later to when I sit for dinner or in my balcony I watch him out in my memories. It was 7 days of life I was me again being home, with someone who was a complete stranger for me but felt like I know him since years. And life it is, shit happens. But sometimes when I’m lost I remember of him, of how he talked, of how he made me have goose bumps on my skin like everything is perfect. Like everything happens for a reason. And some corner of my life he has acquired one of the biggest space, nobody shall own anytime.
“Since then I ask, how was it being me? It’s like the mind always wanted to meet the ocean, my soul answers back.” It’s quite acceptable sometimes somebody can teach you to fall for yourself from within, somebody just knocks out your door puts fire in between and makes you learn of how to get out of it all. Believe in one thing always, “ You are who no soul can ever be, you are that beauty you see in the mirror and water of reflection.”
It’s dark now, everything seems like lights.
My summer was in wind.
You called me plant, you were my moon.
It’s not that hard for stars to tell stories.
That drawing backs in woods.
He watched meteors the entire night.
AUTHOR : Akshata Govekar.
PUBLISHED BY : Jasneet Sethi
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