Under the water,
Drowning, yet gasping for breath,
I inhale painfully slow death everytime I breathe.
And this quest for life, leads to my slaughter
I look at the life gone by,
As the coldness numbs everything, but my memory
Appears happy and ordinary,
And one left without a proper goodbye
There was a family,
That kept me alive till that one moment,
That kept me afloat and abreast,
Through happiness and lasting misery
I loved it, even if not as much as it loved me,
I loved someone else much more,
And only and only for her had I breathed before.
Despite all that, she could never love me.
As long as my heart beat,
It belonged to her.
And that, during life, it couldn’t tell her,
But expects to convey the same at least in death.
There was my spiritual equivalent,
Who loved me, or so I thought,
Though her emotions she never spelled out,
My best friend- ever calm and nonchalant.
We masked happiness in each other’s company,
For sharing sorrows would have burnt the other.
Anyway we never cared to bother,
Because we made ourselves believe the virtual harmony.
I had a bunch of fair weather friends, who came and went,
And a few real ones who didn’t understand my compulsion,
Saw my every problem as diversion,
And never understood the unspoken sentiment.
The one thing that gave me ultimate joy was reading.
The hours spent in the protagonist’s were the most pleasurable ones,
And by God’s grace I had them in abundance.
It is the only thing that would make me regret not living.
I wanted to spread the same incomprehensible happiness, I wanted to write;
To bring few moments of relief to a lost soul,
Whose life was miserable, because he walked down the wrong road.
With what I write, i wanted to show him the hope and the light.
Words were my passion,
With which i weaved joyous stories,
Of the unsung heroes and their distinctive glories,
But as fate might have it, I had to give up my beloved art of expression.
After they died,
I lived the life which the world thought I suited more,
Yet unsatisfied it forced me to blend in more and more.
And thus between hellish life and life in hell I had to decide.
In what seemed like the last moment of my life,
Fishes, like angels, surrounded me.
I wondered if they had seen many like me,
And relished the most beautiful frame of my life.
-AISHWARYA RAJARAMAN
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