There are here few of our scars of past, lost in decades with ashes. There’s always a bird right next door of your house. You got to be singing me a song for sure, you say yourself someday. You are as lost as mermaids we hear that since long time. Waiting for something that is never about to come. We have all are head high. Not for something that we all do or we all did but for something that we all today are. There is a gesture on your face of retrying all those ideas and thoughts of what have you loosed and lost. Some of your days you walk alone on the streets of rain, you see yourself walking passionately for something. There’s a dream coming through you say yourself. I’m looking for it, be your words, how long? Who knows. You aren’t scared of anything right now, just not simply because you have seen it all, but you know you don’t have the fear to lose something now, you know what you have will not be taken by somebody. You are too wealthy to gain the victory. We call it pain usually of what we have been through but then this is life we say to the inner person. It’s been decades I haven’t seen myself, where am I, who knows? “Who remembers the kid I was?” Where was I and where to where from have I turned myself? All sides of me I’m surrounded by mirrors. They are so not new, but so not the same either. Darling here am I now, god knows who have I turned into? But you know what? I won’t say you of how it feels to be lost but I’ll tell you something where so ever I’m it’s a complete beautiful place.
Maybe it all sounds into a letter now I mean things change we all do. But tell me something why remain the same. Everything changes constantly some or the either thing but completely everything. I remember of one night she came in my dream, she was all pretty as glass. She was something I should have died on. But then I was a girl, a piece I can never fall for. But she was something I can’t take my eyes from. She came and whispered something in my ear. It was too soft at first, I beg for her pardon and she suddenly started laughing. She put me into wonder. “What? What is it? I asked.” “Why they choose you and me? She said” where the words that she whispered in my ear. “I don’t know, I said calmly.” She then took my hand and placed it on her chest. I asked her of what she is doing? “Can you feel it? She asked.” “Feel what? I said.” “What is it? She asked.” “Your chest, I said.” Girl, it’s my heart and it’s broken she smoked a blow after saying that. I have lived it all, believe me I have seen it all, people come break you and go, but you are not broken from out you are build, build high like those towers in Paris, you should be there once it’s a wonderful place she complemented. Why are you telling me all this? I asked her. Darling you are such a funny kid, you don’t know why am I saying you all this? Such a funny thing it is then, she laughed out loud and said. She stopped for a while and continued what are you thinking of life? What exactly you are doing now I did the same way years before. Trust me I came through all way far. You get nothing but lessons. You neither win, this isn’t a battle either. But this isn’t the way you and I want to live. Wait, what? What did you just say? I asked her on what I heard from her on the moment. Yes! Yes you heard me right, this isn’t of what you want to live like, she said. “How do you know? I asked.” “Because I’m you and I don’t want to live like this, lady! I don’t want to suffer like this, this isn’t something of what I’m and why are you accepting it all? She replied.” “Then what it should be like? What you want? And that isn’t something I chose for myself I don’t love to have it all like this either , I had too and so I did too, everything came up all sudden I had to react for it, nobody sits like a fool either and who knew I had to answer you some day? The clouds never call all on one day before and say the sky that they are about to meet him at the same place, this never happened and would never be, you know why? Because you don’t meet the same people or things the way they were at first place, I said”. I was a bit on raise up volume, everything was higher that time, things seem like shit when somebody just comes and says you like, hello! It’s me your future. It was all in dream I spoke all this to me and the girl. “Look, I know something and now you got to trust me on this, things aren’t right going out there. But listen nothing lasts forever not even us. When its winter the snow falls and when it ends there’s nothing like white around, it all goes into the water. Then if you are me I’ll tell you something more, you are no other person is and can never be, because someday I’m going to meet you in reality to. I’ll surely make you proud, and I got too. You are me after all and how can I love to have myself like this. Even I know for now, that we don’t get what we want as immediate. But that doesn’t mean I won’t get it anytime, one day for sure even I’ll be there watching it all with the sky, and believe me I’ll surely be teaching few good lessons, I said.” I left a hard breathe later. Mom woke me later, then what? It was all over, the dream was incomplete but though complete.
There is a wrap on my paper, something is changing on and I don’t know if somebody can see me in it. I stop, crawl, I have been walking, running, done it all almost. Everything seems now like I was wide awake with a whole bottle of beer all this while. There is a wine in me it flows as one of my whole part. There is this one person inside literally burnt but the fire is on. And even after burning I found nothing that is vanished, all I saw was there is a colour like coal stripped in gold. Almost everything, every single thing that visited me bought me gifts of happiness, few were odds and few were founded to be ugly. But then these all are parts of us and that’s all you and me can accept. My father’s words I still remember of, “Those drinks that you have are bitter few smoother but you drink them, don’t you? You know why? Because some corner in you, you know it can understand you and you are completely happy having it all.” For moment we all are wrapped in papers of old, in binds of piles, what are all those for? Are you about to read them once and laugh at all the odds that you do? Are you reminding yourself of what it was it all going through this all these years? Such a strange thing you don’t have answers to them. It isn’t that you won’t get them ever but what matter is now, and for now you are quite. We all are numb for the days we should have been we, but we want ourselves to answer, answer to something we are so deep thrown in.
So far now, “would you forgive me for my secrets, would you give me chance to know myself, would you sing with me the song I wrote lyrics for, and all over would you let me do the same if you were in my place.”
AUTHOR : Akshata Govekar.
PUBLISHED BY : Jasneet Sethi
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